Mitzi Perdue

How to Make Your Family Live up to Its Promise

Lisa Niemeier, family office consultant and founder of graymatter Strategies LLC, feels that family wealth is a gift. Too often and with too many families, this wonderful gift isn’t allowed to live up to its promise.

In her view, families often misunderstand the power and purpose of wealth, limiting its impact through efforts to preserve lifestyle or using it to control the lives of others, often in the name of ‘protection.’

She says families can employ their wealth to nurture the talents of family members and to become all they can be. This in turn allows the family business to better support the family in multiple ways.

Niemeier’s professional niche as a family advisor is her proprietary use of scientifically-based generational research. “The processes and tools I have created have at their core the archetypical generational biases that come into play as we interact with other family members,” she explains.

For example, she says that a patriarch who grew up during the Great Depression will have a different outlook on spending than a Baby Boomer who never experienced the tremendous financial insecurity her father endured.

“We need to start,” she says, “by understanding that each person in the family is a member of a generational cohort and brings those unique characteristics to bear in their interactions with the family.

An example of two brothers shows how this can play out. The brothers are both Boomers, but represent the two distinct segments (“responsible” vs. “free-wheeling”) of that generation.

“Bob and Alex inherited a business that had never reached its potential. Bob had asked Alex to give up a promising career in another field to help him make the business what it could be,” she recounts. “In the early years, their respective talents were complementary. But as the wealth grew, each brother’s vision of how to protect it became a liability. Bob was a numbers guy, while Alex’s strong point was marketing.

The marketing guy grew increasingly frustrated by what he considered lost marketing opportunities; the numbers guy grew increasingly frightened by the risks he felt the marketing guy wanted to take.

Instead of discussing the issues, the numbers guy habitually responded to the marketing guy’s requests with, “No!” In response, the marketing guy began to act autonomously.

The third generation grew weary of the conflict that was starting to affect the business as well as relationships among the family. They wanted family harmony but naturally enough, each pair of children supported their respective fathers. Employees were suffering collateral damage from the conflict.

At this point, family members did a wise thing: when they couldn’t handle their problem themselves, they called in an outside advisor. For them, it turned out to be a fortunate choice.

With Niemeier’s help, the family found a healthy way of dealing with the spend-don’t-spend conflict. Family members began to realize other family members weren’t just being stubborn. Understanding the context behind the conflicting approaches facilitated a discussion toward realistic and workable compromise, yielding a more effective result.

The creation of an outside advisory board became an immediate and immensely practical tool for dealing with the spend-don’t-spend conflict. The numbers guy no longer had to be the bad guy, and the marketing guy could get an objective hearing for his ideas.

“Understanding the context and creating an outside advisory board changed the entire dynamic for the family in a good way,” says Niemeier. They’re keeping the business, it has flourished and the family’s ability to understand different viewpoints means that they can make better decisions.”

To contact Lisa Niemeier, email her at lisa@graymatterstrategies.com or call 804.937.3777. For more information on graymatter services go to www.graymatterstrategies.com.